Viktor Persson

Sharing My Journey To Life

Day 177: Chasing Time Instead of Being In-Time

Posted on | oktober 21, 2014 | No Comments

I will in this blog continue to look at stress, and specifically how I tend to accept and allow thoughts, and backchat that have the nature of stress, in moments throughout my day, that accumulate to become a full-blown possession, and physical experience of stress.

What I’ve seen is that one particular thought pattern that I accept and allow has to do with my studies, and it’s in relation to placing a particular amount of time into my studies each day. During the initial semesters in the education that I am currently walking, there was a fast paced tempo, and it was many times necessary for me to sit down each day and study for several hours in order to keep up with the curriculum and learn that which was required to be learnt. Now, when I am walking the final semesters, and I’m soon done with the education, the pace have significantly dropped, and the tempo is not anymore has demanding – yet still – I hold unto a sense of stress and pressure within me, that unless I put down a certain amount of time each day into my studies, I am not going to be able to make it, and walk through my education sufficiently effective; thus there is a misalignment within me in regards to the actual time and energy I require to put down into my studies, and how much time and energy I believe I require to put down into my studies.

Though, I’ve actually found throughout my educational years, that it’s been a very cool point to put in more time and energy than what has been required to just to get through, because that has allowed me to expand, and to learn more, and to become more comfortable with the field of study that I’ve chosen to pursue. So, the problem is not really that I am putting in to much time, the problem is rather, that I’ve connected an experience of stress, and anxiety in relation to time, and created a belief that I absolutely need to put down a certain amount of hours each day – which leads me into a form of chase for more time – where I experience myself as if I am fighting against time, to make the most use of my time, and to get the most out of my time.

It’s fascinating; because the consequence of chasing after time, in order to get more out of time, is that I am not using my time effectively – why? Well, when I am chasing time, the chase, and the attempt to be effective with my time, that is my priority – and what takes the backseat in such a application is my actual usage and living with and within the time that I have available. So, instead of me being fully focused, clear, and stable HERE with what I am doing – fully into and immersed in the point of studying, reading, or learning – I am instead in the experience of stress as chasing time, and attempting to gain more time; which obviously then compromises my ability to learn, and use time effectively.

The interesting point that can be learned from this is that when I perceive that there isn’t enough time, and I am chasing time, what am I then doing? I am actually creating that very point, and manifesting such a shortage of time in my life, which leads me to compromise what is important, relevant, and required to be done in my life – thus – what I see that I must do, is that I must stop chasing time, and instead use the time that is here, and be present with every moment, and walk with time, and stop myself from chasing time – because chasing time is in-fact me making a statement that there is not enough time, and in that creating such a shortage of time – instead of standing within the point that time is HERE – and thus there is sufficient with time for me to deal with my responsibilities, walk my education, and expand myself in my fields of interest – because that time is HERE – it’s just that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to use it through being present, aware and stable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase time, and exist within and as a starting point in my life, and living that there is a shortage of time, that there is a lack of time, and that I as such must always run after, and attempt and try to save time, and make more time for myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I exist within and as a starting point of chasing time, I am actually creating for myself a shortage and lack of time, because I am not accepting and allowing myself to practically USE the time that is here effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of thinking that there is not enough time for me to move myself through my life, and thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become stressed and worried, that there is not enough time for me to expand myself in relation to my education, and to deal with, and care for, and walk my commitments, and responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself, and holding myself back, and creating a shortage of time for myself that is completely unnecessary, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I accept and allow myself to slow down, and move myself within and as breath, and walk each moment fully, that there is sufficient with time for me to move through my day, to care for and attend to my commitments and responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I make the statement within me, that there is not enough time, I am actually creating that in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a lack of time, to create stress within me in believing that I don’t have time to care for my responsibilities, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I align myself within and as my human physical body, and align my starting point, so that I am here in every moment, capable, and present to take care of and direct the points that are here in the moment, then there will always be sufficient with time – because I am directing myself HERE looking at the moment and making the necessary decisions to make sure that my life moves according to what is best for all – thus I stand able and directive here instead of going into stress and worry and fearing loosing time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing time, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow thoughts in my mind, wherein I state that I don’t have much time today, how am I going to get done everything I’ve on my schedule today? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow such a thought to be the starting point of my movement, then I will create that lack of time within me, and I will move throughout my day in stress, resulting in that I walk points haphazardly and without going in-depth and moving through as specifically as is required – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, to slow down, and to walk moment by moment, breath by breath, and deal with the responsibilities and commitments that arise HERE – and not project myself into my future and trying to live my life in my mind instead of living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing that I can get things done through thinking about them, and planning them in my mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, the simple, and basic common sense that in order for me to be effective in my life, and walk each moment fully, I required to be fully present here, fully immersed in what I am doing, fully concentrated, fully aligned with and as my human physical body and the point that I am currently caring for or walking – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop these projections, and instead move myself to walk through and direct the responsibilities that I have in my life – and get the things done – that I’ve decided upon to get done throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my projections, and believe that when I project myself into my day, and imagine myself doing and walking through my responsibilities and commitments, that I am then actually doing it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the basic common sense, then when I am somewhere in the future, when I am somewhere out there in a projection doing something else but being here with and as my human physical body, directing myself to care for and attend to my responsibilities, then I am not effectively caring for and directing, and taking care of my life here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and move myself on a breath per breath basis – to move myself from moment to moment – and trust myself that I will walk and direct this moment here fully and as is required – and that I don’t need these projections to come up in my mind and live my life for me – I can live and direct my life here instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust stress, projections, imaginations, and ideas of time, and how much or little time I have, more than myself here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being inefficient, and insufficient, in terms of being able to take care of, and direct my life here as breath, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate, and fear stepping out of stress, and stepping of the character of creating projections and future imaginations, in believing that I need and require those forms of mind-participation in order to survive and care for my life effectively, not seeing, realizing and understand that I am in-fact able to stand as, and walk, and live those points myself – and that I accordingly don’t require this energy coming up within me, saying to me, and showing me where I should go, and how I should live, and participate in order to make something out of myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a state of being, or think to myself that I don’t have enough time, and that I am lacking time to take on, or walk a particular point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that in saying within myself that I lack time, and within that start moving myself from a starting point of stress, and chasing time, I am actually creating that very lack, and that very ineffectiveness in terms of using my time here, and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to use time effectively, and have time to walk through my responsibilities, I require to be stable within myself, and look at time practically, not within stress, or anxiety, or worry – but simply seeing time here as what it is – as a certain amount of breaths that I throughout my day that I will be able to live and create within – and thus I commit myself to walk from moment to moment – to deal with my responsibilities and commitments in full presence and awareness of myself here – and to be fully immersed and give complete attention to what I am doing here – and thus USE my time effectively and specifically – and not squander my time through stressing, worrying and thinking about time – instead of living in time here

I commit myself to be in time – through standing equal with my breath – standing equal with the movement of time as the physical here – and thus I commit myself to slow down and walk breath by breath – and moment by moment – to assess my world and my life according to what is required to be done – and direct my life in this moment HERE – and not direct myself from a starting point of lack of time – and chasing time – in an attempt to attain more time

Day 176: Annoyed With Whiners

Posted on | oktober 20, 2014 | No Comments

A point that I’ve realized brings up a reaction of annoyance within me is people that find problems, and issues with things.

What I’ve seen is that, when someone brings up a problem, or issue, something that they feel is weighing down their life, I think that: “That isn’t such a big deal! Come on, it’s nothing, just get over it!” – What I am doing is that, inside my mind, I blame, and judge this other individual for being what I perceive to be, all to weak, and fragile; I see them as a whiner, and as such, as someone that brings negativity into my world, and focuses on what doesn’t work, instead of how to make things work.

So, the question I’d like to ask myself is, where does this reaction come from?

I see that it holds two dimensions, on the one hand, I find that I’ve myself gone to the other extreme, where I mostly accept the conditions of my environment, and live with it even though it’s not optimal – and so I cope with what I find to be dislikable, instead of finding a solution, and a way to arrange my reality, so that it’s not as uncomfortable – this is as such my coping-character, my “soldier”-character – a way of living wherein I perceive it as a trait of strength and power to be able to handle and live with bad conditions. Obviously though, such a trait, although useful in some situations, will lead to self-compromise in others, wherein I accept my world, and reality to be in a lesser state of condition, than what it has to be potential for – and that is obviously not cool.

The other dimension I see in relation to this point, is that I myself tend to focus on the problem, instead of actively focusing on solutions – thus – I myself tend to whine about things that doesn’t work, which is something that I live out in the form of blame – placing the responsibility unto someone else instead of taking responsibility for it myself – thus this is something I must re-direct, to as such make sure that I myself take responsibility for the problems that enter my world, and make sure that I find solutions, instead of ending up in blame, and then not finding, or directing the point to a solution whatsoever. I mean, it’s obvious that I require to find a solution for the points in my world, and blame will not do that for me, blame will only put me in a position of being angry at everyone else for things not working as I’d like them to, which doesn’t change, or help, or assist with anything at all.

These are the two points I will look deeper into with self-forgiveness today:

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed with another when and as this person is sighing, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see, and define sighing as a weakness that is somehow coming into and affecting my world, and my state of being, and that it’s as such something that people should keep to themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to sighing in becoming annoyed, and irritated, and start thinking about how I perceive this other person to be very weak, as well as whining, and complaining on their environment, and the conditions of their life, instead of directing the points, and actively doing something about it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as wrong, and as something bad to complain, and to become affected by the conditions of one’s environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as something isn’t very effective, or good in my environment, and something clearly isn’t working, to simply endure the discomfort, and try to live with it as best as I can, instead of actively doing something about the point, to change my environment to become more friendly, and workable, and better for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress reactions, and instances within myself, where I see that my environment isn’t optimally supporting me, through thinking that I am able to endure the point – instead of in that moment looking for a solution in how I am able to change my environment and world to become more supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and become annoyed and irritated with another when sighing, thinking that they are being lazy, and rather complaining about their lives, and the problem it contains, instead of doing something about them to change them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this reaction is showing me that I am doing the same to myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things aren’t working, to instead of taking responsibility for them, and directing them to a solution, blame my world, and environment for not being in a way that I feel is supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect, and want my environment to change according to my moods, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as a child, develop the misconception that, I am able to manipulate, and control, and direct my world by the means of my emotions, and that when I am sour, or angry, this will push my world to change – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the system doesn’t work within these parameters, that for the system emotions are irrelevant and don’t mean anything, and as such, if I do want a change in my life, it’s not enough that I become emotion about it, I actually have to will, and live the change, and physically move myself to establish a change in my world, and physically develop solutions for myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world when things are tough, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world is somehow personally attacking me, and making my life difficult, as some form of vendetta, or personal judgment, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the system is in-fact utterly impersonal, that the system doesn’t really care whatsoever, and that the only one making it personal, and making it emotional, that is me: And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from making points that are difficult and hard emotional – and instead walk through them as what they are – physical points that requires a physical direction – that I must deal with and take by the horns – and that I can’t accept and allow to take control of and power of my life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision in me to move myself out of my mind and into the physical through not anymore taking my life personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to feel emotional when and as things get tough in my world, and that I am somehow right to feel hurt, and to feel angry, and blame, and whine about my world, and how it’s currently functioning, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am as a matter of fact not punishing, or making life difficult for anyone else but myself, I am the only one that is creating suffering, and havoc for myself through not accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, and without emotions in my daily life, and living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this constant attempt to take revenge on the system through blame, and instead take responsibility, and realize that responsibility is the only way out, it’s the only solution – it’s the only way to end the circle of blame and in-fact move towards a solution that will work for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming annoyed and vexed when and as someone is sighing, or complaining on their environment, through thinking that this is something that I would never do, and that becoming frustrated at them will teach them a lesson to not do this in the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting, and making myself inferior, through accepting and allowing myself to react to this pattern of complaining, and sighing, not realizing that it’s merely a pattern, it’s not something personal, it’s not something devious, and bad that I must protect myself from through reacting towards the point, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead ask the other person, what they are going through, what they experience, to instead of blaming, and becoming annoyed, understand and get to know what is happening, and why it’s happening

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s not solution to become annoyed, and irritated at whining, complaining and sighing, because within this I don’t accept and allow myself to see where I am living out this same pattern, as well as how I can support and assist another to move through their experience of themselves, because when I get angry and annoyed the point feels as if it is a personal attack towards me, and as such something that I must protect and defend myself from, something that I must make sure doesn’t come to close to me, and my life, because apparently, if it does, it will wreak havoc on my inner life, and world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s merely energy, it’s merely a reaction, and nothing that I have to make anything more than that

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am becoming annoyed, and irritated with another because they are complaining, or sighing, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that complaining, whining and sighing is not bad things, and it’s not things that will have a negative effect on me unless I immediately push them away, it’s instead simply patterns of living and reacting towards one’s environment, and as such I commit myself to stop the reactions, and instead, when there is an opportunity, get to know the reactions, ask the person what they are going through, look at what possible solutions there are, and how I am able to assist and support another to move through the reaction and instead look at the situation in the search of solutions

When and as I see that my environment isn’t supportive for me, and that it can become much better, but I disregard this fact, and instead attempt and try to endure my environment, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not effective solution to try to endure what is here, and that I should obviously rather look for solutions and ways in which I am able to change and direct my environment to become more supportive for me, and to become more aligned with my life, and living so that I am able to create a world, and a life for myself that is more effective, and supportive, and enjoyable; and thus I commit myself to instead act and look for solutions and ways to make my life easier and better – instead of enduring with what isn’t effective and what isn’t working

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