Posted on | mars 25, 2015 | No Comments
In my process of creating a purpose for myself in this life, I’ve noticed one quite interesting point – it’s that the point of purpose has become monetized – so immediately as I think about or consider my purpose, this will be followed with thoughts, and experiences of how I can further myself in my career, or create more money for myself – thus the purpose in essence being something that I’m doing only for myself – and more precisely – for money.
It’s thus fascinating to see, that what comes up within me when considering giving myself purpose, giving myself direction, and a objective that is greater than me, is that I only tend to care about MYSELF – the consideration only stretches as far as me look at what I would feel good doing, what I would be able to use to get a greater and more lucrative career. Though, there is a quite obvious problem with this starting point in relation to purpose = it won’t ever create any form of change in this world – it’ll only ever create my life to be slightly better, slightly more enjoyable, and with more finances to it – but that shouldn’t be the point of purpose!
The word PURPOSE implies something more than me only looking at myself, my life, my preferences, hopes, and desires – it implies looking at others as well, looking at life, looking at the world – looking at where it is that I can contribute, where I would be able to place myself that would have an effect – an actual effect in the lives of others, where their lives would become measurably enhanced by the point that I am walking and placing into creation.
Yet in my process of selecting a purpose of myself, the one greatest point that has stood in my way has probably been that of wanting, and desiring to find an extravagant purpose – something extremely great, something totally enjoyable, something that I just KNOW is what I’m supposed to do and create for myself in this lifetime – though – creating and finding a purpose is not about something OUT THERE – a purpose can exist even in the smallest of points – it’s important to not THINK something up – rather what I require to look at myself, my life, and see what is and has been significant to me personally – NO MATTER how small or simple it may seem.
For me, this has been quite difficult, because the purpose I’ve seen for myself has been one of these small and apparently insignificant points – one of those very personal aspects of life that many probably wouldn’t consider as having any impact or value whatsoever – and due to me having an idea of what purpose SHOULD be – and also relating purpose to MONEY and INCOME – my process of finding a direction for myself became convoluted, complex and filled with labyrinthine paths stretching from here to there – yet never really coming to a conclusion HERE. This also a fascinating point – that we believe that to change the world, and stand by a greater purpose – we’ve to become some form of a revolutionary, and daring activist, with this enormous, massive and flaunting purpose – whereas the reality of the situation is that we might be able to contribute the most through for example sharing with the world, how we’re able to live self-discipline and self-motivation effectively – meaning showing and giving to others how to improve on one small aspect of life, living and self-creation.
So, what I’ve seen is that in order to really find YOUR purpose, or in this case MY purpose – there can’t be any comparison, there can’t be any money-issues involved, there can’t be ideas of what the purpose should be like, because then the point of having a purpose is missed – then purpose instead of being an expression of myself, becomes a point of showing off and trying to display a picture to others of how cool, interesting, and fascinating my life is – and that is not the point – the point is to share myself with the world, share a point of myself that I’ve walked, and give that to others, seeing that it will contribute to their lives, that it will enhance their lives, that it will give something to them that they are able to use for the rest of their existence.
Thus purpose is not something you LOOK for OUT THERE – you have to LOOK INSIDE, yourself, your life to SEE it – PURPOSE must be something personal that you can stand by for yourself and even if for example Desteni wouldn’t be here – a point where you can source from the principle / process of Desteni but where you stand in and as a way where it still supports others in such a significant way as it did with you
Concluding – purpose is not about success, purpose is not about self-importance, purpose is not about becoming noticed, purpose is not about becoming seen by others, purpose is not about becoming special, purpose is not about money, purpose is not about fame, purpose is not about looking outside of yourself – purpose is an act of SELF-INTIMACY – it’s an act of SELF-KNOWING – seeing WHO I am – and WHAT I’ve lived – and WHY I’ve lived – and WHAT of my existence, life, expression that is personal to me – that I can voice and share with others – and in that stand as an example of how you create, change, improve and update your life – similar to the way I’ve done with the particular point that I’m walking.
Thus – finding/seeing purpose is actually very simple – because it involves recognizing the value a point that’s always been here – though as many do know – often what is the most glaringly obvious is also the point we’ve got the most difficulty to see – maybe because we’ve simply gotten used to it?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become uncertain and doubtful of my purpose through looking out there, and comparing myself with others, and trying to attain and create a purpose for myself that I define and see to be extravagant, great, and formidable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with myself, with the simplicity of breath, the simplicity of being here with and as my human physical body, and in self-intimacy seeing what I’m able to bring to this world, to show and extend to others as a gift that I’ve created for myself and that I’m now able to show others how to create, build and implement into their lifestyles
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate purpose with creating something great, magnificent, and fantastic – and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted, to take my skills, my process that I’ve walked, and my life in this world for granted, and believe that it’s not worth enough, it’s not worthwhile, it’s not good enough, and that I apparently require and need to keep looking, to keep investigating, to find that apparent great, fulfilling, and complete purpose of myself – instead of recognizing and seeing myself – and accepting and allowing myself to move, create and walk what is already HERE – what I’ve already done and seen in my life that I’m now able to gift to others as I’ve gifted to myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and participate within and as an idea that I require to bring something more to the table, something better, something more extravagant, something deeper, with more impact, with more power to it, with more worth to it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the problem I’ve had – is that I’ve not been willing to recognize the value and worth in myself and the life I’ve walked thus far – and thus I commit myself to recognize and value myself – the process of walked thus far – to see the greatness of what I’ve been able to create for myself that could really make a difference in the life of others – and thus stop trying to make something more out of myself in the belief that I’m not enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and make something more, better, and greater out of myself and my life – in the belief that it’s not enough – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge simplicity, to judge the small aspects, and skills that I’ve been able to walk, and create for myself – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason I’ve had a difficulty to see what I can gift to the world, is because I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to recognize my value, to recognize my skills, to recognize what I’m able to gift, to recognize what are my strengths, what are my potentials, and what I’m able to walk and stand as an example of and as in this life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself into a time-loop and mind-fuck through thinking about what should be me purpose, through judging the purpose I initially selected and defined for myself as not being sufficient, and not being enough – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this time-loop I’ve dragged myself into is in-fact indicatory of my approach to myself and life in general, which is that I don’t accept and allow myself to value and recognize the small, to value and recognize myself and who I am – and what I’ve walked and created within and as my lifetime
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I’m facing within is the consequences of judging myself as not being good enough – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this a pattern that is present in many areas and aspects of my life – that comes through in me constantly wanting, and desiring to something more, something different, something better – instead of recognizing myself HERE – what it is that I’m already walking and applying myself within and as – and thus developing the points I’ve already committed myself to walk – and recognizing the value, and worth of those points that I’ve committed myself to walk
I commit myself to value and recognize myself, the life I’ve walked, the processes I’ve walked, that skills and abilities that I’ve developed, and the gifts that I’ve given to myself – to recognize these points and realize that this is what I can gift to the world – and that it doesn’t have to be a magnificent, powerful and apparently great purpose that I give to myself – it must be something that I’ve lived and walked personally that I can share with others and gift to others – and stand as an example of and as in the lives of others
When and as I see that I’m going into doubt, and uncertainty with regards to the purpose I’ve selected for myself in this lifetime, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this doubt and fear that comes up within me is in-fact originating from within and as me not accepting and allowing myself to value and recognize myself – and thus I commit myself to as self-correction – state within me that I value and recognize what I’ve walked for myself – and the importance of standing with and as the purpose I’ve selected for myself – because I see the difference that it’s made to my life – and thus I understand what difference it can do in the life of others – and thus I see it as my responsibility to gift that point to others – and stand as an example of that point in the lives of others
Posted on | mars 23, 2015 | No Comments
Indecision – indecision – indecision – that’s my word of the day and consequently this blog will be dedicated to opening up this point – so far I’ve been quite hard on myself for over and over again going into a state of being indecisive, pulling back on decisions, changing decisions, not following through on decisions – and being generally irresolute in my stance with regards to certain particular points in my life – one of those being MY PURPOSE – that other being CAREER – both are points that I’ve struggled with – not so much because I’ve had a lack of ideas as to what I am going to do – rather because I’ve gone back and forth – not ever feeling very self-assured in the point that I decided to walk.
So, today I found one of those fascinating things and this assisted and supported me to open up this point – and that is a zodiac birth chart – the science of the horoscope – and what really blew my mind was how specific the readings were from these charts. Some of my most idiosyncratic behavior traits were described and laid out clearly – and I’m going to make a couple of quotes from the text here.
“Many people with this position of the Sun have gained quite a bit of knowledge in their lifetimes, but they don’t often possess specialized knowledge. This is because Geminis have relatively short attention spans. Restlessness is especially common with this position of the Sun.”
“Weaknesses: lack of follow-up of ideas, indecision, goes back on decisions.”
So – obviously I’m able to see that this fits too well in on my character – especially the point of dipping my toes in too many points, going for too many adventures, trying to walk too many dimensions – which creates this experience of me being scattered, and all over the place – consequently not ever getting to a deeper knowledge and understanding in anything that I do.
Thus – a point that I see that I must practice for myself is to be more decisive, and structured – to create a life-path for myself that is more condensed and concentrated – to rather place my focus and attention on a couple of things and do them effectively – than to spread my attention all over the place and waste myself in trying to do it all – which is a tendency that I’ve seen coming through in many ways.
Particularly during my teenage years and early twenties I would move from point, to point, always trying to find and do something new – studying law and remaining with this topic is actually one of the first things that I’ve stuck with for an extended period of time. Usually I would be moving to yet another interest at this point – though I won’t accept and allow myself to do that this time – instead I will specify my decisions – and make sure that I’m clear on my purpose – and that I place my time into a couple of points – and that I walk them effectively and specifically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be indecisive – and irresolute with regards to decisions that I make – and plans for my future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift easily – to move into another direction in a heartbeat – and to have difficulty remaining with one point – and walking with one point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can change this point through practicing sticking with my decisions – walking my plans – and being patient and persistent in my daily application – and condensing my activities and pastimes to not be so overzealous and all over the place – but rather practical, realistic and effective
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I dip my toes in too many things, too many ventures, too many directions – I’m going to cause myself to do all of them rather badly – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and calm myself down when I notice I go into a high – of looking at various prospects and future potentials – as to where I could go – and instead stick with my plan – stick with my decision – stick with the path that I’ve laid out for myself – and walk it – and only change it when I notice that it isn’t practical or effective anymore – thus become more stable in my daily living and application and stop wondering around in my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately push myself to make my life more condensed and concentrated – and to realize that when I put my time into a few points – but I walk those points effectively – I will be able to get more out of them – and I will be able to give more to others – and I will be able to produce effective results that can’t come when I become scattered and distracted and move myself in all kinds of directions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not condense and sectionalize my life – to place down on a paper before myself the points that I am walking and directing myself within – to place down on a paper where it is that I’d like to go with each of these points – what it is that I’d like to create – and within this remain realistic and not take on too much – not try to do too many things – but instead remain practical – remain with my breath and my human physical body – and dare to live a condensed and concentrated lifestyle that is grounded – where I place my time into a few things – yet I do these few things effectively and specifically
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to stabilize myself and my life I require to discipline myself to be more grounded – because I’ve an pre-programmed inclination to be indecisive, to be scatted and diffuse, and to move from point to point – and thus to assist and support myself – I require to deliberately make my life condensed and concentrated and grounded into practical living applications – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make commitments to walk and give my attention to certain points and aspects in my life – and in that have the courage to walk through the fear of missing out on other points in my life
When and as I see myself going into and as a state of indecision, and wanting to fall back on a decision, and a plan that I’ve made for myself, that I see is effective, and that will work for me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this is my pre-programming attempting to take me for a ride and veer my off path – and thus I commit myself to in that moment breath through the fear of missing out, and the feeling energy of excitement, and exuberance, that comes with fantasizing and creating a new future – and ground myself – through speaking with myself the plans and decisions I’ve made for myself – the focal points I’ve determined for myself in my life – and continue to walk this – and ground into and become comfortable with routine and consistency and sticking with my gunskeep looking »